I just had a beautiful baby , why cant I stop sobbing?

Let  me start off by saying , although I have my moments I’m not typically a very serious person. My husband would describe me as a “crazy, weirdo” he’ll tell you that’s why he married me.

Waiting for our baby to come was a most exciting and frustrating time. Anticipation can get the best of you. We had daydreamed about long looks over our little angels face, dissecting each feature , deciding who it belonged to. I was sure this bliss would be so overwhelming that I would burst. Sure enough, after she arrived, just like all the warnings told to us, this time was as challenging as it was amazing. After the 2nd or 3rd day, when I finally returned to planet earth, I was not floating blissfully in an ethereal cloud like I had  expected. I was often crying and feeling dark. No one warned me about this!  All I could do was chastise myself…why was I not feeling blissful? This was what I’d always wanted and her father is the only person I ever wanted to share this experience with. I was so blessed that I’d woke up everyday pinching myself, but now I was feeling so weepy I thought I was losing my mind! And for no apparent reason!

Finally I confessed, to my husband, my eyes welling up with tears. After a few days it occurred to me to try a few herbs that I had preached to all my clients about for years. Many of us go through typical, and maybe not so typical life problems, and we find that some are the affects of our hormones and some are not. While trying to figure myself out, I looked back at an email I had written to a close childhood friend who had been going through some hormonal challenges. There! It was the list of herbs I had sent her that enabled her to stop her antidepressants and return to her happy life again. Why did I forget this for myself?

First was tryptophan and vitamin B complex . These helped with the weeping and severe emotional darkness. I noticed the first day I felt a calming effect and within 2 days I was feeling more normal.  At least I was not feeling insane with weepiness.

Weeks later when Mia Bella, my daughter, was about 3 months old I noticed that bouts of fear had returned that I had experienced near the end of my pregnancy. So I added B1, which is for dark thoughts, nightmares and dizziness . Lack of Vitamin D can create depression-God knows how pale I was , sunbathing was the last thing on my mind so I added vitamin D..  The combination with the other two vitamins made such a difference for me. Now I was peeling off the layers of the emotional/hormonal craziness.

Weeks later I began to practice some guided meditation with my good friend Julia King and that helped me a lot.

Still not feeling completely myself,  I keep researching. What I found out is that apparently our progesterone levels can get extremely high at the end of a pregnancy but breast feeding can make those levels plummet and this, too, can cause depression. So I added progesterone cream ( at this point Mia is about 7-8 months ).  I used an over the counter brand from the health food store called “Now”.  I had tried the prescription stuff but that made me feel insane.  This “NOW” brand soothed me as soon as it hit my skin… ahhh.  I always feel the need to sigh! It feels so good! I also kept up the meditation because this helped me and soon I was feeling  more and more myself .

Even though I was feeling light years from what I had thought of as an “ungrateful” feeling of sadness, (up until this point I believed anyone feeling this way , well it was  self inflicted, now I’m much  more empathetic to all woman in the world). I believe the universe give us our experiences for reasons, makes us softer and more understanding. Lets just say this experience made me a believer!

I am now taking my B complex from a raw food source- not the synthetic kind. Also I found lack of iron can be a huge cause of worry! Who knew?  (I’ll list by name all the products I use so you can check into them for yourself).  I’m feeling so good now, (my daughter is nearly a year old)… that we want to do it again! Yay! At  this point I can still get a bone chilling worry that might freeze me into disturbing thoughts for minutes, sometimes an hour, but the frequency and length is so much less than before. I make sure to take ten minutes to sit in quiet and simply concentrate on my breathing , 10 minutes of meditation daily.

I’m still breast feeding so my cycle hasn’t returned yet! Ugh! I don’t want to rush my daughters weaning processes, besides I’d doubt she’d let me. So I discovered, “Chasterberry/ Vitex”.  I used it to get pregnant last time, (one of the many things I used but that’s for another blog).  I have read that I’m to take it on an empty stomach 30 minutes before eating. So I ordered it, what the heck! The first morning , I noticed there’s a bounce to my step! I felt more energy than I can remember having in a long time . I assumed it was a fluke so I tried it again. Wow!  The next day same thing and everyday since. I feel so happy and normal!

I have found that natural “medicine ” is a slower progression, but the beautiful thing is unless you have an allergy there isn’t a laundry list of side effects . There are so many of us women who assume these emotional difficulties along with the fatigue is how we are supposed to feel now.  I think we decide that because we have become moms it’s ok to feel like this . Our sweet munchkin is now 13 months and life is good. A lot can happen in a year!

However, I now think it’s possible to get out of that dark, emotional part of our head and feel light and happy and easy while doing the most important job of our life too! My intention with this blog is to share my wild experiences so that others, who may be having similar experiences might get some relief as well ! Please feel free to email me or message me with any questions or any feed back!

Vitamin Code Raw B-Complex

Gaia Vitex Berry

Super Daily D

New Chapter Iron food complex

Source Naturals ( Not shown )Tryptophan

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